my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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