I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
