You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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