I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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