Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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