dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
