a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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