are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize