well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
