LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
