The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
