all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
