she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
