I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
