you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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