someone threw a dead crab at me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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