I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
