I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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