Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
