There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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