in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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