he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize