look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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