You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
