Don't you send me to vm
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
