Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
