you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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