She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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