You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
