saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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