Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
