I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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