I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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