just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
