you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
