I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
