k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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