Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
