that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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