Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
