Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The feeling are messing with the penis
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
