i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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