You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
