Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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