soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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