I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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