Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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