Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
