God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
