Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
