She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she told me i tasted like america
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
