so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
