I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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