It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
