that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
