You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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