are you still at the devil's house?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
