nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
