I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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