i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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