wanna go halves on a baby?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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