Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
