there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
