mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
