Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
