Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
