I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
