take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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