the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
tequila makes me forget i have legs
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
