I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
