Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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