Yo dont text me then not text me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
