Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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