Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
