Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
