i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
