she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
