Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
