You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
