I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
